Instant gratification- I want it all

The New Year brought such an impetus of things I wanted to do to simplify my life even further so I thought I would write out those resolutions and got a bit overwhelmed with all the changes I intended to make.

January was used to look at those and I chose the sustainable wardrobe as my major project and then there was the garden, locally sourced produce in season, work goals, health, relationship, financial, energy efficient goals etc. Knowing full well the energy to achieve all of those would exhaust me and make life less simple to begin with. Some of these goals warranted investigating.

• Why did I choose this goal
• Is it aligned with what I believe is important
• Am I willing to commit time to it and if so how much
• What are the consequences of this decision.
• Is it in line with my major life goals or a distraction?

Lets say your goal is to go and ski. Skiing happens at a certain moment when snow is available, so is time limited. This means travel and staying somewhere other than home. Requires a passport , special gear, toiletries and is going to make a dent in your budget. Now if its is in alignment with your authentic self( a need)  you will go and find a way and have the satisfaction you have achieved something important with meaning. If however you go because you need a break from the rat race or the impulse came from a glossy brochure or advert, you may feel very discontented at the outcome.

Despite wanting to live a simpler life a downshifting path to simplicity the inflow of information we get every day to flex those consumer muscles is so great that our brains get more hits for consumerism than to simplify life.

In my goal setting I found that although I thought I had mastered the skill of differentiating between what is an important task and what is a want in my buying habits, this had not followed through in my personal life. And the most important habit to break is that of instant gratification so deeply engrained sometimes we are not aware of it.

To reduce the impact of consumer messages we have a system to deal with the post, reducing the amount of junk mail, recycling the paper as the post comes in and ending up with  the important mail that requires a response.Those pieces of paper then get devided into home or business and get dealt with when I give the home or business folder allocated time and attention. It can wait.

If only it were as simple as the post. We are regularly receiving

•  post
• email messages
• twitter messages
• facebook messages 
•  pinterest
• adverts

and most of them incite us to buy something and influence our choices.

Every time you buy something in the high street or online, it triggers a marketing campaign sending you emails whenever your profile shows up as a potential customer. You get asked for your postcode and what number you live in and there you are added to a mailing list. Every time you buy something the messages enticing you to buy increase. Companies are fighting for your buying power especially in a challenged consumer environment as where most people are tightening their belts after the spending spree for Christmas or for fear of losing their job. I know its a controversial issue because at the heart of it, we are asked to consume to create and keep jobs.

To counteract that we simply physically stop shopping but then turn online for our shopping needs. The consequences of shopping online brings you boxes and materials to recycle as well as the item you ordered plus a daily amount of emails which thankfully are easier to unsubscribe from and delete virtually. Many a purchase asks you to set up an account which when you do means another password to remember and more email messages for account holders.( including special offers just for you)

A few years ago my son was waxing lyrical about the benefits of a certain washing powder, how it would fulfill my need etc. We are open to receiving these buying impulses and clever though they are they diminish our personal power to make decisions about what we need and want. Add to that the trigger of instant gratification, and we impulse buy because we want it, and we want it now.

This was brought home to me while testing a new organizational app called The Habit Factor which as it happens  accompanies a book , available tomorrow in hardback or instantly to a kindle and enabled me to list all my goals and then told me I could only concentrate on 3 of those goals. Three? The question I pondered this weekend was whose decision I follow when I want to achieve a goal, my own need or did the thought for that need originate as a marketing ploy?

Therein lies the differential and unhappiness between the goals our authentic self chooses and the ones we often pursue implanted by a clever marketing campaign.

Another app that brought me some insight was Astrid which enabled me to transfer those goals into steps I needed to take to achieve the goal and then allocated time in my schedule to do the tasks necessary.  Three goals are sufficient to fill a whole diary and both these tools have been instrumental in helping me choose my three most important goal allocated to the three most important roles. By the time I consider my health, family and work I have my three major areas of goal-setting.

I am not proud of the fact that I still want it and want it now as an impulse, knowing that consciously means I can set myself the task to wait, 24 hours, one week etc. A wishlist is a great tool as it gives me the instant gratification of acknowledging I want it now, but tomorrow I can delete the item knowing I really don't need it,

What drives your life?

10 ways to enjoy a film again and again

Movies are a form of entertainment that has always appealed to me, in similar ways to books. Yet, when you read a book, you use your own imagination to create a picture based on the descriptive language chosen by the author. Films on the other hand, combine the vision of the author with that of the film director to bring you an experience.

How can you enjoy that experience for less?

1. Going to the cinema will provide you with the large screen experience and is a great way to get together with friends yet an expensive option.
2. Rent a film via lovefilm or netflix and invite friends over for a social evening, popcorn and potluck drinks and you have a similar social experience on a smaller budget.
3. Use the library to borrow films to watch and return when you have enjoyed the movie.
4. Purchasing movies creates ownership and then you can put it on your shelves for later viewing.
5. Swap a movie with a friend. One of my sons swaps the loan of a costume for the loan of a film so both friends get a different night out.
6. Sell your DVD's via Magpie if you need cash quickly use the money as you wish.
7. Bring and buy your DVD's to a charity stall and purchase another film to watch, a great way to enjoy a classic film.
8. List your DVD with the film circle, pass on your DVD to someone else and choose another one to watch. Search by category or actor, film director etc.
9. Pay to download movies onto your phone or Ipod via Itunes, watch it for a week and then it simply disappears.
10- Catch a movie on BBC Iplayer, Channel 4 on demand, ITVplayer, as long as you hold a current UK TV licence.

Teaching children financial responsibility

This article is in response to Jenny's email about how to introduce personal finance principles to children


From birth children are dependent on their parents. Gradually from fulfilling all their needs we teach them to take care of themselves, to eat sensibly, to exercise, we provide them with an education yet seldom do we teach them how to be financially responsible.

When I was a child I was often told to clean my room and yet it took me a while to realise that although given the instruction, I was not told how to clean it and what tools to use. Subsequently I would be proud of my efforts in a 'clean room' to be told that actually it did not conform to my parents idea of ' clean room'. Thus I learnt that people's expectations are different and levels of comfort are different. So how can we expect our children to be financially responsible in the future if we do not give them the tools and provide opportunities to learn the necessary skills within a safe environment.

Money is a tool, it is a major component in our society, it is complicated to comprehend only because it has been made invisible.

As a family we gradually prepare our children from childhood to look at what money does, how you get some, how you spend it, save it and work with it and how you get by without any.

Most children in today's society have a lesson on coins at school as part of the mathematics curriculum but do not have any practice in using real money to purchase items with. Most families would shop at supermarkets, take what they want from shelves, put a card in the reader and voila, shopping done. This reinforces children's knowledge that yes everything you want is provided for by parents and food and other items can be obtained by putting a card in the reader. Easy as pie.If that is their only exposure to finance and money then it would follow that when they leave home at 18 their expectation will be that a) parents will provide everything you want and b) that a card in the reader does pay for everything. Add to that credit cards, student loans and the relationship with money is easily lost.

There are pitfalls as parents in letting go of some of the control by giving your child money to spend but if handled in a progressive way, children do learn from their mistakes and learn to find solutions that work for them. It can be an empowering  learning path for everyone involved.

Our basic progression is as follows :( not really age related but progress when stage satisfactory negotiated)
age 5 to 10 - give your child opportunities to buy items with real money and opportunities to earn pocket money, save for special items and donate small amounts to charity. In the shop we encourage our young shoppers by helping them make a connection between the coins in their hand and the items they can purchase. Its mostly sweets and treats at this age but it is an important step.
age 7 to 10 - we set up a savings account in the child's name with a book in which each transaction is recorded. This provides ownership of money as a tool and the opportunity to save, withdraw and spend money as they wish. Money is still used for items they mainly want at this age and can give an insight into your child's priorities.
age 11- the savings book is changed to a card account and the child has some autonomy over the transactions. A small amount is paid into this account to finance personal spending.  At the same time, we withdraw money from our account by card as a budget when planning purchases such as clothes and give the child opportunities to choose and buy within the money they have to hand. If they find a cheaper item they get to keep the rest. This encourages them to shop for best value and rewards careful consuming.( best value does not always mean lowest price) Our children soon figured that if you did a bit of research your basics could be provided for and then you had extra for all those treats you wanted.
age 12 - We make a list of all clothing requirements to ensure that the child starts off with all its needs catered for. After this shopping experience we discuss an allowance which is to provide funds for clothes, shoes, entertainment, gifts, hair cuts i.e all the items shopped with previously in cash as part of their budget. We ask the children based on their experience what they need and if we believe it is not sufficient we give them more, if too much is asked for we ask them to justify their budget. This helps them negotiate. In our experience they underestimate what they need and quote a ridiculous low figure. We agree the boundaries of the allowance( i.e. we pay for educational expenses), interest rates for loans and opportunities to ' earn' money and agree that we will pay a certain amount into their account monthly and they agree that they will manage their money as they see fit and come and speak when they experience difficulties. Loan rates are offered so they know they can borrow money too. We as 'parent bank', are quite flexible and agree not to criticise their buying decisions, merely be available to help them find solutions should they have difficulty. This crucial period provides them with complete control over their finances without in fact lacking in anything.

As a parent this is the most interesting time. It is hard to see your child spending money on what they perceive as their necessities and the firm boundary needs to remain in place.( often I deliberately stay silent on my opinions but listen as they tell me about their exciting purchase)  So if for instance there is no money to go on that cinema trip with your friend because you have spent it all on comics, well then maybe that acts as a lesson to leave some money aside for going to the cinema. It is hard on parents. Its hard on children but a useful step towards independence.

As the years go by, the children establish their areas of budget and some for instance spend more on image and others more on gadgets it depends entirely on what their expectations and interests are as well as the effects of advertising and peer pressure. When the money does not stretch they have to find ways to for instance, delay,borrow, buy secondhand, do without, barter or find opportunities to earn more just like adults. It provides useful discussions as to why the amounts suddenly do not meet their needs. They create their  own ideas, purchase their own stuff and are asked to deal with their own stuff and its consequences. ( i.e. new game station = more expensive games)

At age 16, we do not clean nor tidy rooms, we do not wash clothes and watch the children as they gradually gain confidence ( and do not buy red tshirts that they wash with white ones). We discuss the allowance each year and check that it meets their needs ( not always their wants) and so on. We discuss safety of internet banking and personal safety. Be prepared to deal with anxious children who lose their card and enable them to make the call and answer all security questions.Stand by if help is needed. By paying money into their account you should have at least the account number available as odds are they have no idea. Once a hurdle has been overcome they learn how to deal with mistakes and difficulties. Teenagers rarely have any money in their account to worry about....

At age 17 and 18 we listen to their plans for the future and offer ideas on costs involved. We introduce the idea of real living expenses, transport, taxation. etc.  ( we levy a tax on their earnings of 10% which is to be paid into the family account and discuss taxi fees). Expect as a parent to be challenged on this issue and show evidence of electricity use, phone bills, transport costs etc.

As an adult we will ask our young adult to contribute a proportionate cost of earnings to living at home at a fair percentage of overall costs.

This would be an ideal progression and there are likely to be unique challenges with your unique child. We try to keep calm, encourage them to come and see us if they have a difficulty and offer possible solutions : the actions that they need to take to solve the problem need to be taken by them and is their decision. So delaying telling the bank that you have lost your card for 3 months means you cannot access any money. 

As they reach adulthood and earn money, the allowance is reduced as they gradually earn their own money. Should you be faced with a child that refuses to work, an allowance can easily be reduced until it is stopped. Nothing focusses the mind of a young adult without money.

One of our children has reached adulthood and found it a worthwhile experience( we think), maybe a unique way to be taught about money but is and has been for many years financially independent. ( leave a comment if you want, well done, you graduated!)

So far we have an 11 year old who has his first bank card and it has proven to be a real temptation to use it, a 14 year old who finds that the way he spends in fact does not actually make him happy and he is without certain items and a 16 year old who compromises on clothing to upgrade his gadgets. Each has their own way of managing their money, some better than others but they work together to find solutions. So far only 1 child has asked to borrow from the parent bank and did not take out the loan as apparently the interest rate was too high and saving for 3 months would cost less. ( at that point you smile inwardly!)

Simply because we as parents chose a frugal life following the principles of voluntary simplicity does not in fact guarantee that our children will follow the same path. It does however provide opportunities for discussion, mutual respect and personal development all around.

The above plan encapsulates the three basics of life,food ( as well as treats), warmth ( clothing) and shelter( living costs).

It is a journey with pitfalls, mistakes, joys and scary rides for parents but we know that they have the opportunity to make mistakes with the ' parent bank' and that when it comes to negotiating their money as a tool, they should in principle be money wise.

As parents you gain boundaries on your children's budget, you learn from them and will be able to see some who spend, some who save ,some who live above their means, and some who are minimalist, in fact a cross representation of every adult.